Over the past few months, I have been learning a lot, sometimes gracefully, with an open mind and heart. But also through addressing the more shadowy aspects of my personality - my occasional stubbornness, the mistrust that surfaces when I feel I'm all on my own, the seemingly crushing anxiousness that comes when I feel there are no other options to be found.
Over the past 6 months, I've been pushing for solutions that I have been meditating on for over a year. The asking and openness began to harden into demands. And I realised that my energy changed into anger and blame, because I believed that one option was the only viable way. I felt worn down and exhausted over spending so much time trying to make something happen when I wanted it to.
I finally got to the point that I understood that option A was just a single option, and that there are in fact many others.
And the bigger realisation was that option A probably isn't even the best option. It was just the only one I could really see in my exhaustion and impatience.
I am sharing this with you today because this is something I already knw. And yet... there was a deeper awareness to reach.
I now (more deeply) understand that when we open our hearts and minds enough for life/god/universe/
When I resolved my blind fixation, my anger, my need to control the situation, other options became apparent, not because I was then 'ready', or needed time before, but because I allowed the answers and possibilities to be witnessed.
When we feel as though we are waiting - on another person, an invitation, an age or decade, a season, a sign - this is the opportunity to go within and recognise what we ourselves are creating that blinds us to what is there already.
The funniest/most interesting part of this is that I was actually aware of the other resources and options months ago. My fixation stopped me from recognising that they could offer me what I was truly wanting or seeking.
And when I really sat and meditated on all possibilities, all solutions, all ways, there was an abundance of choice, healing, direction, in each of them.
When we wait and wait for a solution, and many present themselves, it is because we have opened our eyes and energy to them. And then we are able to go deep within, and choose that which most aligns.
Freedom, abundance, miracles. It all waits for us.
A few things to ponder over the coming days:
Remember that whenever we feel stuck, cycling through old patterns, or unable to move forward, it is because we are fighting ourselves. Take the time to expand your energy, your heart and mind, and be willing to receive what is waiting for you beyond your barriers.