Ancestral Shame & Secrets: What Happens When We Speak

Hello beautiful beings, I hope you’re all well! I’ve just returned from some precious time with family in North and South Carolina - filled with good food, sweet tea, and soul-nourishing connection.

Earlier this month, before I knew I’d be traveling back, I began writing a list: What happens when we talk about the things we don’t want to talk about? The uncomfortable stuff. The long-held family secrets. The moments we’d rather leave in the shadows.
And to my surprise, some beautiful things emerged.

I want to share a few reflections with you - not just the hard truths, but the healing that becomes possible when we begin to speak. There were even a few unexpected gifts in the mix, and I hope these words help you see communication in a new light.

The Unspoken Legacy

Most of us, if we look back a few generations, can find an ancestor whose choices brought shame to the family - maybe something illegal, prejudiced, immature, or simply misguided. And so, we don’t talk about them. Those conversations are too hard or too awkward.

Or perhaps we’re not fully honest with our current family, immediate or extended, about our own lives. Maybe we worry they won’t accept our partner, career path, or lifestyle. Maybe we’re hiding health issues, financial struggles, or the ache of a mistake we’ve made. Maybe we’re just afraid of being misunderstood.

But when we stifle communication, we also stifle connection. We cut ourselves off from the nourishment and healing that could be possible. And instead, we sink into the heavy emotions - shame, guilt, regret - over what was, or what might have been.

So let’s begin to break those cycles.

What Happens When We Speak

1. Spells break.
When we speak honestly about our stories, our past and our patterns, we release ourselves from the illusion of being cursed by them. We stop carrying inherited guilt and silent obligations. Truth untangles us. Patterns can end. Curses lift. This is real magic.

2. Courage grows.
Facing what we fear takes practice. It requires a conscious decision to show up and engage. But your life expands in proportion to your courage. Start speaking up, and watch how much space opens around you.

3. Normal gets normalized.
So often, we believe we’re alone in our struggle. But when we share what we’re carrying, we realize: most people are working through something too. That “unique” issue you’re dealing with? It’s not so rare. And that’s a relief. You’re not alone, and never were.

4. Perspective widens.
When we let others in, we invite new perspectives. Left to our own minds, we often loop in echo chambers, internal or external. But speaking with people who matter to us creates room for unexpected insights, mutual support, and soul-expanding connection.

5. Support reveals itself.
We often assume people will judge or reject us. But many times, we find they relate more than we imagined. Even if they don’t fully agree, there's space for understanding. But you’ll never know unless you share.

Some of the hardest conversations I’ve had with family have turned out to be the most healing. I gained insight into their stories, their pasts, and how to communicate with more grace and clarity. One brave conversation at a time, things can shift.

Healing Is Possible

I’m not saying these conversations are easy. But they can be deeply helpful, healing, and even liberating. Where there is shame, there’s an invitation. Where there is pain, there’s potential for healing. When we meet those places with love and courage, we don’t just shift our own lives - we ripple healing through the entire ancestral line.

So today, take a moment. Consider the conversations you may be avoiding - with a family member, a friend, or even with yourself.
What spell might break if you spoke? What healing might begin?